WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a singular accord, the billionaire Koch brothers and the Nationwide Rifle Association have reached a timeshare settlement over the ownership of Home Speaker Paul Ryan, representatives of both parties have confirmed. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The model of the tax bill that Republican senators voted for early Saturday morning included scribbles within the margins by Mitch McConnell’s grandchild, the Senate Majority Leader has confirmed. WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report )—Beginning 2018 with a political bombshell, Home Speaker Paul Ryan mentioned on Tuesday that he will retire once he is happy that he has utterly wrecked the country.
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