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suppose that it was my fault for trying older than I am. Maybe that’s why he did those issues to me. It took years earlier than I realized a 5 yr old can by no means be obese sufficient to move as a consenting grownup lady. I did my very own research, watched Law and Order SVU and realized why I blamed myself, why I could not belief, why I was extremely curious/promiscuous even at 12 or 13 years old. Yeah, you learn proper, television helped perceive myself, as a result of telling my mother resulted in an ” I know” and a silent car journey home from school. Trying to inform her a second time led to a warning not to tell a soul. Confiding in my sister led to a bored sigh and a request to get professional assist. Telling my brother I was contemplating suicide resulted in him laughing in my face. And lastly, most recently, after having a flashback brought on by something I saw on TV and crying to my husband simply ended with a “I don’t know what to say, you’re making me uncomfortable.” I am used to feeling violated and humiliated as a result of that man continued visiting my house until I was 23 years old and finally begged my mom to stop letting him come over. But the shortage of empathy, the one and off self-loathing, the shortage of emotions and feelings and solid relationships, the vacancy that I have tried so exhausting to fill with faux smiles and inappropriate jokes is getting to me. I don’t feel and it bothers me that I can’t feel for anyone, not genuinely, I even have to faux it, it takes plenty of effort and it’s exhausting and disturbing. I labored so exhausting to get over my trauma and the sentiments of disgust for myself and my body. But I can’t open again up and let myself really feel once more, I can’t fix that and I need help. I feel your pain. Your story is so similar to my own. I was touched inappropriately by my father across the age of 9 or 10. One of my older siblings got here in to the restroom the place I was taking a bath and tried to have intercourse with me but I was blessed by my older sister strolling and stopping that. later on that very same sister’s husband came in drunk one evening and tried to have intercourse with me and but again she walked in with another man that she had been out with. I told my mom however she blamed me and after that I grew to become promiscuous and gave birth to my daughter at the age of 16, I wasn’t given any help from my mother. This was something ongoing within the
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