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buy a house together.
Sometime during the next few days, she got an email from Andrew’s lawyer with details about their separation. “Because we had no kids and didn’t own property, they said it was very straightforward. They asked if I would sign a separation agreement, which I wouldn’t, but they said they didn’t need one because they had enough documentation proving when Andrew left the marriage.”
Renee, understandably, lost her cool a few times with the lawyers. “And with his family,” she admits. “I went to his parents’ house a couple of times, and his workplace, just asking for some answers. Why did he leave? Where was he? Why couldn’t he be a f—ing adult and have a conversation with me about it? He alerted security at his work and filed for a restraining order. It was insane.”
She says she lost a few friends — some felt awkward, whilst others she badgered. Surely someone must know something. He couldn’t have moved the table by himself!
Her dad insisted she give notice on the house, as it was too much rent to pay alone, and move in with him until she got on her feet again. He got her a lawyer, who also suggested she get a counsellor, given the nature of the separation.
It’s now been seven years since Andrew left Renee and, while she’s worked hard at finding peace, she still finds the breakup upsetting. She’s since remarried and now has three step-children.
“I’m the luckiest to have found my husband,” she says. “When things got serious, for a few weeks I was so stressed all the time. I dreaded going away for work. Deep down, I thought when I got home, he’d be gone. I imagined going over to his place and finding he didn’t live there anymore.”
Instead, she opened up and told him exactly what happened. “And he suggested I move in! He’s so thoughtful, he still messages me every few hours when I’m away.”
Renee has heard little about her former husband, Andrew. She eventually discovered he’d quit his job about three months later and moved to another part of New Zealand. After their divorce, two years later, she discovered he’d made a fresh start in Australia where he now has two children.
“I’ve written him letters over the years and burned them before I sent them,” she says. “I’ve had to make my own closure, but a part of me still hopes that one day I’ll get to have a conversation with him.”
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