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She says: ‘I went from managing one really sick patient — the norm in ICU — to managing three or four, as well as trying to support junior staff and other nurses with no intensive-care training who had been drafted in.’
She is haunted by calling Covid patients’ relatives on FaceTime so they could say their final goodbyes. During the second wave, just one in ten of those put on ventilators survived, and in one horrific two-day period there were 11 deaths in Amanda’s unit. On top of this, her 17-year-old daughter is suffering from anorexia and was last year admitted to a psychiatric ward for four months after her weight became life-threateningly low.
Amanda discovered The Way Of The Horse four years ago while researching therapies for her daughter. While at first the teen had been unwilling to engage with the process, Amanda recalled its calming effect on her and, in January this year, contacted Dina who suggested she enrol on the Project Pony course herself.
‘Being in nature with the horses provided a wonderful escape from the day-to-day demands,’ says Amanda. ‘It really helped me calm the constant fight-or-flight reactions in my autonomic nervous system and cope with my roles as a nurse and mother.’
Amanda White, 50, (pictured left) a sister on an intensive care ward in the Midlands, said the pony course has helped to calm the constant fight-or-flight reactions she experiences
Then, in February, Amanda’s nephew, who was just 24 and in hospital with kidney problems, died from Covid.
‘It was the straw that broke the camel’s back,’ she says. ‘Mourning my nephew opened Pandora’s box, and all the grief I’d felt for every one of the patients we’d lost over the previous year came pouring out.’
Amanda was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and has been signed off work ever since. The one thing that has kept her going is the Project Pony sessions.
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