Unicorns How Do You Sleep At Night Knowing People Don’t Like You Shirt, hoodie, tank top
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Unicorns How Do You Sleep At Night Knowing People Don’t Like You Shirt, hoodie, tank top
“I’m a trans woman and my partner is agender but relatively femme presenting. We’ve been ‘gal pal-ed,’ [meaning people have assumed they are just friends, just ‘gal pals,’ solely because both look feminine] I’ve had my presence questioned at queer women’s events where trans men were welcome, and I’ve basically constantly had to explain why I transitioned if I’m just going to date someone with a vagina.
One time, my roommate was asking me why I don’t date guys and why I didn’t identify as gay before [transitioning]. So even people who are really close and supportive ask these questions. Like, ‘Why are you making this hard on yourself, why did you bother going through it?’
I wear dresses, and I wear makeup every day. Even though I’m presenting in this female way, I don’t feel like they see me…I’m an outsider. Everyone is skewing towards this masculine presentation. I’m seen as a femme cisgender woman a lot of the time.
My coming out as queer often comes along with coming out as trans, which carries a whole different set of connotations and issues. The legitimacy of queer women’s relationships are questioned, and the right for me to exist as a trans woman is questioned, too. And that’s a lot tougher, so if I don’t have to bring it up I won’t. For me, there is a risk to being visible or being ‘out’ as it were. For me, being femme is a defense mechanism. The more femme I am, the more I pass. It’s this balance I have to walk between personal comfort and safety, versus how I want to feel aesthetically and how I want to be perceived by my community.
I want to be able to go to the coffee shop and get hit on by a cute girl. Innately, we still buy into our own assumptions. If we see a femme person, we assume she’s straight. And then it’s awkward—always waiting for confirmation and always meeting in queer spaces. The phrase we use in D.C. Is les-bros: tank top, flat brim cap, sneakers. And they’re the ones who are seen as desirable.”
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